Day 2015 – Day 2020
One of my favourite YouTubers has a habit of quoting lines from songs of the 1960s when he’s vlogging. I’ve noticed, over the years on my blog, that I do this too, sometimes.
I have a weekend of fabulousness ahead! I’m heading over to Vancouver Island and then onward to the Gulf Islands, for a meditation retreat with my old spiritual group. I’m first going to spend the day singing with Moira Smiley and maybe I’ll have a chance to hit one of the museums in Victoria before or afterward. I’m not sure whether I will intersect with my long-time friend TCBC this time or not, but I am hoping to get to see the Natural History Museum (of London)’s Wildlife Photographer of the Year exhibition at some point. If I don’t see it this time, I’ll be making another trip back.
I am really most excited to be seeing my spiritual group again. We are silent sitters and so, excited is probably not the best feeling to be bringing into lots of silent meditation. But, I’ve missed them so. There is truly something magical that happens when we sit together in silence. When I left London, my great consolation was that there was a long time group in this tradition that meets in Vancouver. Alas, when I finally made the decision to request to join the tradition, my teacher retired and then the meditation group leader retired and closed the group, within months of one another.
Well. If you’ve finally decided to take spiritual maturity seriously, there is nothing like being cast out of the circle and being left on your own, to test you. It is within the parameters of this tradition to cast out a seeker in order to deepen their practice. But, I can’t take this personally. It happened to many of us, all at once. Over the roughly two years that our group has been apart, I’ve been through quite a lot. The period from end of 2016 till now has been the hardest in my memory, though you might not know it, to look at me.
I’m looking forward to sitting together, to extreme attentiveness and presence, to discussing dream symbolism a la Jung, and to being in the company of one another in the name of the Divine. I’ve had many dreams but now that we’re coming together again, I have nothing I can bring to the group. About 4 months ago, I dreamed that a YouTuber that I follow was sort of flirting with me but I don’t think that qualifies as anything worthy of deep reflection…unless the guy is a representation of my animus….and now…come to think of it, he probably really, really is. I love him dearly for showing up when I needed him. He arose from the ocean of the collective unconsciousness to bring life-giving rain to my desert.
Oh I’ve missed the depths to which we go, in the group! I’m so grateful that the group leader has decided to reconvene the group as a kind of retreat, and that I will be sitting together with them all, again. I’m also grateful that even in the relatively isolated life that I live right now, the archetypes still know how to find me.
The weather forecast is for reasonable skies and hopefully reasonable tides. There is something about a journey by sea that is a beckoning of the subconscious. I did a year of writing school on the island and the sea was a strong motif in much of my writing both then and when I returned to the mainland. Some people find their peace in the forest. Some find it at the top of the mountain. For me, I find myself called to sea. How appropriate for this work that we do.
I’m looking forward to my journey almost as much as the events planned at my destination(s). I think that is a pretty great thing and I wish I lived my life with that mindset more often. I’ve tried to keep my blog a place that is welcoming to people of all faiths and those who ascribe to no particular faith, but I’m starting to think that the time for evading writing about my own faith – for fear that it will turn people off – is coming to an end. I welcome everyone and I’ve vowed to serve people of all faiths (and I include agnostics and atheists in that group), but writing about my experience is really superficial without writing about my spiritual life. I’ve had a pretty crap run of it these past few years but it has been my faith that has carried me through, like a bridge over such troubled waters.
The sun has begun to come out, the flowers are sprouting in the ground and my strength is slowly returning. It is good that we will be gathering again to pray and listen, in love, to light the darkness of the world. I believe my time has come to shine. Maybe all my dreams are on their way.
For what are you most grateful, today?