Day 1498 – Day 1503
This summer I started marking out my life in lunar cycles. It wasn’t something I set out to do, but I’ve been more aware of the cycles of the moon than I’ve ever been before, and as each full moon passes, I reflect on what has transpired in the intervening cycle.
This week we had a harvest full moon. I know that there are many myths and much folklore around the meanings of the harvest moon but they may not speak to my experience, this week. Astrologically, this moon was referred, by some, as a Monster Moon, because it was so intense. Apparently the full moon in Aries was squared to some heavy duty planets. The earth didn’t open a sinkhole and swallow me, though I will admit that it has felt like a quietly intense week. In fact, my harvest has been good. I have reaped what I have sown, for better or worse.
In this time of living a simple life, I’ve been making a concerted effort to be mindful, quiet, and to listen to what I say to myself and to others. I watch where my thoughts go. As a gardener, I’ve been reaping the last of my harvest, sharing this harvest with others, and gleaning from other gardeners and nature herself. As a wayfarer, I’ve been reaping a lot of insight from my dreams and from the process of listening to my thoughts.
Someone once told me that I sowed the seeds of creative ideas for him, and he liked that. Over time, I came to see that he also was able to sow seeds. What he sowed, however, was self doubt, through the manipulations of triangulation. Some of those seeds fell into my garden, and I was able to reap them this week like the weeds that they are, and to see that with any triangle, there are three points. In listening to my thoughts and words and harvesting insights about this and the meanings of my dreams, I have been able to detach from the system, with compassion for others. I am grateful for the support of my friends CMF and AH, to do this.
I’ve noticed that I often think the worst thing first, and only with effort (like this gratitude practice) am I able to think more positively. Sometimes, this includes my assessment of people. Oh yes, there have been many times in my life when I’ve thought the best of someone because I wanted to believe the best of them, with or without evidence to support this. But sometimes, I make an assessment about a person’s character based on my reading of events, and sometimes, I end up being wrong. In the past, I’ve noticed that this happens when I’m feeling insecure – the quickest route is to the negative. This week, I think I misjudged someone, and I’m grateful that I can admit when I am wrong and adjust my course in response to new knowledge. I’m also grateful that I did nothing to ruin the friendship, in the course of being wrong about them.
I feel a fragile shift in my perspective – a return to greater self confidence and a generosity of heart that has been hard to achieve in the past two years. I’ve had a few suitors lately and while I’m seeing a return to open-heartedness, I’m grateful that I’m balancing that with the willingness to observe and act upon red flags or simply with those qualities that are deal breakers, for me.
I’m grateful for the bounty of this harvest. We’ve hit 1,500 days of gratitude this week and I’m still catching my breath from that milestone and quietly letting it set in. I feel like I’m in between the in between right now, being deeply present and One with that which is greater than myself. Where I go with the insights I’m gaining will remain to be seen, but as I start canning and preserving the last of my harvest, and as I nestle in to a period of cozy nights at home, I feel more at peace than I have in a long time. For a wayfarer, this is the greatest thing I could hope to harvest.