Gratitude, Joy, Oneness, Service, Purpose and Meaning (Day 1102 – 1116)
I am exhausted but I am well. I’ve been on two spiritual retreats, back to back for the past 10 days. I’ve been on spiritual retreats before. They are taxing. Usually you are in a place that is – in many ways – not your comfort zone and one’s last bastion of comfort – one’s bed – is too hard or too soft to get a good night’s sleep. Sometimes the food disturbs your digestion. This time the food was wonderful and eating completely clean meant that my body detoxed a lot of rubbish and I started to feel so much better. It was a good lesson in the way that I must care for myself. It is easier to do, of course, when you have a full time chef, but there are simple changes I can make that don’t involve spending tons of time in the kitchen. Salad at every meal is one, cutting out synthetic sweeteners and additives, and limiting my wheat intake are others. Nothing I didn’t know already, but I felt it in my bones, and that is the way to get things to stick.
The other changes, well they go pretty deep and transformation is exhausting. I have arrived home more tired than when I left. I look forward to my bed, right after work, tonight. Tomorrow, after a good night’s sleep in my beautiful memory foam mattress, I will be in a better position to tackle things. For now, all I can think about is staying awake another 5 hours. I feel as though I have jet lag – the way I used to feel after flying back to London from the West Coast of Canada. I don’t have jet lag. But the exhaustion is complete. Sleep is healing, on many levels. In my sleep I have dreamed – a LOT – in the past 10 days. And those dreams are very much my teachers.
I’m grateful for the wonderful teachings I received this week and for the transmission of the teachers. Both retreats involve transformation and that kind of work is profound and exhausting. I’m grateful to feel a shift and I am grateful that I’ve been given some new tools (although it is up to me and me alone to work them) to help make the shift one that sticks. It was a joy to experience a kind of Oneness that can only come from being with people who are willing to be vulnerable with one another. I miss my gang already. My service in the coming weeks is to do my inner work and to support the others who were on retreat, in doing theirs.
Going on retreat during the first vacation I’ve had in over a year demonstrated my commitment to living my purpose and living a life of meaning, regardless of my occupation. It is, however, just the first step. The next step is healing sleep, and for that, I am deeply grateful for the simple gift of being able to sleep in my own bed tonight.