Ten Thousand Days


March 22, 2016
Photo: Matthew Wiebe

Photo: Matthew Wiebe

Gratitude, Joy, Oneness and Service (Day 578 – Day 580)

This will be a self indulgent post.  I just want to say how grateful I am that my friends have checked in as ‘safe’ in Belgium this morning.  The second love of my life is in Belgium as are several friends.

This morning, as I woke, I was dreaming of booking a last minute trip to fly into Brussels today and then go on to Antwerp and Ypres.  It had not been on my mind the night before.  Much like Paris was invading my thoughts on the 13 of November, so was Belgium this morning.

I am getting tired of having a pre sentience about these things.  The day before 9/11 I flew back to New York and I had a similar pre sentience.  Before you think I have a terror hotline in my head, I have a sixth sense about death, in general that has grown with time.  I was on an airplane, and I knew the moment my mother died.  It was, actually, I found out later, the moment she was pronounced dead.  I know when it will be the last time I will see someone who is ill and if I try to send Reiki to someone who is ill – I can tell when they are on their way out of this plane.  It is not a gift I want but it is what I have been given, and so I send Reiki healing and light to the souls of those dead or dying, to help light for them a safe passage to cross over.  You can believe or not believe, it doesn’t matter to me.  It is what I feel called to do and like it or not, I do it.

Today I knew something was up with Belgium but didn’t pay attention.  Ten minutes later, when I switched on my computer, the explosions in the airport had just happened.

Once I found that the second love was fine, at home, I started seeing others check in and was relieved.

There is an ex-colleague and friend from LSE who always comes to mind when there is an explosion somewhere in the world.  He works in conflict regions and travels a lot.  This time, I smugly thought, he isn’t someone about whom I have to worry.

Then he checked in on Facebook.


The word has a strange connotation when seen from someone you never expected was in danger.  He had been in the terminal when the bombs went off, this morning.   A few minutes earlier and things could be different. He works in conflict zones so I worry about him all the time.  He is a genuinely kind person and although I know he is doing good work for the world, I wish he was in safer situations.  I think of him often.  More perhaps than most of my former colleagues.  This morning must have shaken him up.


What does that mean?  Alive?  Away from the explosions (for now?). What good would it do if he were to have a job I sometimes secretly wish he had – something out of the field, somewhere swish, like New York?  New York is not safe.  It was, after all, the site of the largest terrorist attack of modern times.  Relatively speaking, perhaps he would be safer there than in a conflict zone but I imagine that walking through the airport in Brussels this morning, his guard was down.  He might have been thinking of buying some Belgian chocolate for his girlfriend and joking with his colleagues about whether it was too early to have a few swift Belgian pints before his next flight.  He probably – if he is anything like me – thought that he was somewhere safe.

None of us are safe.  But in the scheme of the world stage, our relative safety is still to be desired.  Surprise attacks shake us, but we ought not to let them.  And can we really say that they are a surprise?  The explosions in Belgium should have been anticipated with this week’s arrest of the ring leader of the Paris attacks, hiding in Belgium.  The Paris attacks, I think, came on the heels of the killing of or arrest of some other terrorist.  This is the mathematics that we must do, these days:  If A=Arrest and B= Bomb then A=B.


I can’t help but hear a baseball umpire make the cry as he throws out his arm.  The runner made it.  He scored a home run.  My colleague made it.  But he has yet to get home.


I saw a lot of death as a child and as a teen – my best friend, a team mate, a roommate, a boyfriend, the family of a boyfriend, several classmates, all my grandparents, a few cousins and finally, my mother.  That was a lot for a child to process.  And as an adult, I have had my fair share of friends and relatives die as well.  I’m just not ready to lose anyone, yet again.

This morning, I am grateful that the second love and the beloved colleague are both safe from the terrorist attack.   Rather selfishly, I am grateful that for the first year in several years, I am not in Belgium during Easter week. It was a relief, not as much as a joy, to hear from them all and to reflect that were I still engaged with that former love, I would likely have been in Belgium.  And, I am profoundly grateful for the work that my former LSE colleague does.  His work takes him to places that are dangerous and what he does, whether directly or indirectly, is of benefit to the safety of so many others.

Several times in the last year, I have thought of my former colleague and been relieved at his safety.   It serves as a reminder that too much time has passed and I need to make it a priority to see him again, soon.  Although I am powerless to do anything for either of them, I am grateful that I was able to create a circle of connection when the second love offered the colleague his spare bedroom, should he wish to have somewhere outside of Brussels to stay.  And, through that circle of Oneness, they have been connected to one another.  Connection helps us to feel safe and so, although they are strangers to one another, my hope is that having that connection will unconsciously make each of them feel a little more safe.  My service today is simply to send light to Belgium and in so doing, make it energetically, a little safer, for those souls to cross over.

And the meaning of all of this?  I am tired of politics and reaction and debate.  People lost their lives this morning and I came close to losing one of my friends.  I have no politics but the personal today.

I can offer nothing except gratitude for the lives of my friends, sorrow for those who were killed and the overarching motto of my yogic guru: May peace prevail on earth.

Only then, will my colleague’s work be complete and will any of us ever be safe.


For what are you grateful, today?


You Might Also Like


  • Reply Urspo March 26, 2016 at 5:01 pm

    I too long for safety and worry I will succumb to fear. Here in the States fear/paranoia runs rampant personified by Trump.
    I am not feeling much gratitude these days.

    • Reply Tania D. Campbell March 27, 2016 at 9:40 pm

      Remember to put things into context. March was the bloodiest month of terrorism worldwide, since 9/11, and it isn’t over yet. But, in context, it can’t hold a candle to a single day of fighting in either world wars. We allow ourselves to be terrified which plays into the hands not only of the terrorists but those who profit, at home, from our fear.

      After 9/11 I was afraid to fly but I had flown home to New York the day before, safely. When I had to fly again, I just considered the worst possible scenario – fiery death. And then I considered the likelihood of it. It wasn’t likely – it’s still not likely. And then I asked so what? Well, I would die. It would be painful for a little bit and then shock would kick in. We all die, sometime, and we can’t escape that. I will always have a tiny residual fear of flying after that day. But now it just makes me certain to tell the people I love that I love them – sometimes announced on Facebook – before I fly.

      Gratitude is hard when we feel despair but when we can find that good thing, it is precisely the gratitude for what is that pulls us out of the despair. I know I am singing to the choir here. But maybe everyone needs to hear a lullaby sung to them, every now and then.

      I wish you peace and the ability to see the good. I promise that it is there. Xx

    Leave a Reply

    This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.