Like many people who see the world fall deeper into despair, I admit it: Sometimes I don’t know how to live in this world anymore.
I feel like a child backed into a corner, watching her parents argue. With her hands over her ears, she screams:
But screaming does nothing. My heart aches.
With the EU humanitarian failure to refugees, the Paris attacks, the bombing of Syria and all the racist and fascist fallout that this has generated, the 21st COP has launched in Paris and violence has overshadowed our focus on saving this world of ours.
Screaming in our corner is distracting us from reality.
My heart aches.
Sunday I ventured out into the world and in the heart of Mayfair, I witnessed a car hit a cyclist, the cyclist (shaken but unharmed) stand and scream at the careless driver who returned the screaming and slammed punch after punch into the unsuspecting head of the woman in his passenger seat.
I froze in horror. I struggled to find my iPad to take down the license plate and then a second round of punching. The car sped off, hopelessly pursued by the cyclist, leaving me holding my iPad and wondering why hell was being unleashed on that woman.
Screaming changes nothing.
My heart aches.
Sometimes I don’t know how to live in this world anymore. Since Paris, I have been walking around as if in a dream…or perhaps it is what we call “the real world” that has revealed itself to be nothing more than an elaborate illusion. Nothing in the world has made me want to be out socialising or revelling and participating in the illusion. Everything seems like the matrix, and I am no longer able to pretend to be a part of it.
Sometimes I don’t know how to live in this world anymore.
I isolate, but like holding my hands over my ears and screaming, it changes nothing. I know that this greed, war, fascism, violence and hatred is not who I am. There is a reality beyond all this illusion and I never forget it. I think what is so disturbing is that so many around me have forgotten.
The darkness is spreading at an accelerating rate. Stabbings, shootings, domestic violence, poverty, homelessness,war, environmental degradation – it is all around us. When the British Parliament was voting on Syrian air raids, I tried to send light to parliament. It was impenetrable.
My heart aches. And it is right that my heart should ache and I should not want to live in THIS world anymore.
There is much work to be done and screaming changes nothing. The only thing that can dispel darkness is light.
In the words of Clarissa Pinkola Estés:
“Do not lose heart. We were made for these times…One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul… Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it. If you would help to calm the tumult, this is one of the strongest things you can do…”
Sometimes I am able to stay fully lit for others but sometimes I am the struggling soul, relying on the light of others to re-start my pilot.
The only way we can learn how to live in this world, anymore, is together.